The Matter of Sharing a Room With Sirius Black
by ceuxquisontenlaisse
Summary: Well, I believe the title tells everything.
1. The Matter of Sharing a Room With Sirius

Donc voilà une nouvelle O.S., en anglais cette fois-ci (que j'ai fait relire par une amie mais qui peut encore contenir quelques erreurs, notamment sur le possessif que je maîtrise assez mal). Purement humoristique, j'espère qu'elle vous plaira.

So here is a new story, in english this once (a friend of mine re-read it, but there still may be some mistakes, so if you see one, just tell me). Purposely humoristic, I hope you'll like it.

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_The Matter of Sharing a Room With Sirius Black_

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University had brought lots of exciting and wonderful things to Remus Lupin, such as freedom, brilliant professors and a new typewriter. What definitely wasn't a part of these new wonderful things was sharing a room with someone else. Here we must specify that the matter didn't exactly lie in the fact of sharing his room itself (_even if it was his first time, since he was an only child_). No, the matter was actually more about whom he had to share his room with. And surely, the one who had matched students together in their rooms either had a terrible sense of humour, or hated Remus Lupin. Nothing else could have explained why someone would have thought of it as a good idea to make Remus Lupin share his room with Sirius Black.

Now, I think, to clear things a little, we should precise what kind of people exactly were Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. As it is, we'll start with the former. Remus Lupin was everything you could expect from a student in poetry. Literature (_oh that Great Mother !_) played a huge part in the life of Remus Lupin, who liked to think of himself as part of another world. Literature was the milk Remus Lupin had grown up on. You were more likely to see him in the library or outside reading under a tree, hanging around in his white shirt and corduroy trousers. In a few words, Remus Lupin was quiet, smart, sensitive and mildly delusional. Before we can get any further in that terrible story, I think it is time for a little description of our second character, namely, Sirius Black. As it was to be expected, Sirius Black was loud, obnoxious, reckless and quite realistic if not a bit down-to-earth_._ Oh, and may I add, that even if appearances did not do justice to this specific aspect of Sirius Black, he was also quite smart. But after all, it was his own choice not to show it. So here we are, with only one common point between our two characters, more likely never to be discovered at all, hidden under the sound of awfully loud music, because yes, of course, Sirius Black liked his music loud and rebellious, so let's just say that The Clash were to blame for Remus' ignorance of Sirius' brilliance.

And as a cataclysm never comes alone (_everyone knows that_), Sirius Black also had a particularly noisy best friend with which he liked to spend most of his time. Including his bedroom time. That one person was James Potter. Tall, athletic, friendly and grinning too much for his own good. Well, the last part according to Sirius Black. Of course Potter belonged to the rowing club and was always followed by hopeful glances from feather-brained women. It was difficult for professors and not-out-of-their-mind people to say what they hated the most about Sirius Black and James Potter. How loud they were? Or how stupidly rebellious they were? Hard to choose, you must admit. Since Remus Lupin was part of the second category (_on-their-right-minds people_), he was currently dealing with that issue. And after a month worth of sharing a room with Sirius Black and James Potter (_since they really were always together_), Remus Lupin was starting to think that university life was not so much of a good idea after all.

In fact, before this month, Remus Lupin had never heard about Sirius Black. They both nearly fainted at that new. Well, not exactly. Lupin nearly fainted when he saw who he was to share his room with. Black nearly fainted when the former made that statement. Really, all this hard work and there he was, crossing the path of someone who had never heard about him before. According to Sirius Black, this first meeting had been nothing but outrageous. Well for once, both of them were sharing the same thoughts. Maybe you are a bit confused, aren't you ? I've just said that Remus Lupin had never heard about Sirius Black before, and yet he nearly fainted when he saw who he was to share his room with. Let's be a little bit more explicit. The fact is that one does not need to know anything about Sirius Black to be able to tell what kind of person he is. So yes, when Remus spotted Sirius Black « Sex Pistols » tee-shirt, his leather jacket and the fag hanging at the corner of his mouth, that spoke nothing but the end of quietness, and he nearly fainted.

To be fair with Remus' brilliance, we must admit that yes, of course, his expectations about the end of all quietness (_in his own bedroom at least_) were right. Sirius Black had actually tried to make friend with Remus Lupin who (_dear little soul_) had not noticed that such actions were being led on him, and only wondered why Black would ask him about his favourite band while he was reading a book, which obviously meant that he was in no mood to conversation. That was the second blow to Sirius Black ego. But don't worry ladies, the thing was mostly intact since it's so wide that really, two little blows could only do insignificant harm. So since Remus Lupin was unable to recognise a fail attempt at friendship (_or any attempt at friendship at all to be right_), and Sirius Black was unable to understand _why _someone wouldn't be friend with him, our story was kind of doomed since the beginning.

As most situations, the one we are currently talking about had a not-to-be-crossed border. And of course, Sirius Black being the reckless person he was, crossed it. He crossed it something like one week after he actually began to share that room with Remus Lupin. And being the diva he was, he crossed it dramatically. So here, let me just tell you that shameful story. It was a friday, in the end of the afternoon (_or the beginning of the evening, as you prefer_), and the week-end was just beginning. Outside, the sky seemed to hesitate between different shades of pink, orange, or grey, and a cool breeze was coming from the window. Remus was lying on his bed, reading that oh-so-wondeful poem of Keats, namely « Ode to a Nightingale ». Actually, he was thinking that _he _was Keats (_we have already talked about his little problem when dealing with reality_). Probably some time around he left out a happy sigh, because being Keats was rather pleasant (_well the part about writing wonderful poetry, no the one about dying abroad after months of suffering_). That is when the door had tragically banged open, forcing Remus out of his reverie to deal with Sirius Black, crossing the door with another man at the end of his arm. Another man that was not James Potter. Another man that was soon pushed on the bed and snog senseless by no one else than our dear Sirius Black. And here is the moment when the hero (_Remus Lupin_) cleared his throat, and Black actually noticed that there was someone else in the room. Which was soon followed by Black greeting Lupin and asking him to leave room.

That terrible evening was the first meeting between Remus Lupin and that bitch named reality. And also a painful meeting between his body and the floor after Sirius Black application. Because really, that was too much to handle for poor little Remus Lupin. That fateful night is also a great occasion for me to introduce you to a hot-tempered red-head, known under the name of Lily Evans. As a prefect, Lily Evans was in charge of the quietness of that particular area. May I add that it was a good thing that this special area was to be kept quiet by no other than Lily Evans, because really, dealing with Sirius Black and James Potter was not an easy thing. I should also add that this night had been particularly hard on both Remus Lupin and Lily Evans (_well, also on James Potter and Sirius Black, but don't pity them too much_). So, where was I ? Oh, yes, Remus on the floor, and a bed suffering from the abuse of Sirius Black and another boy (_pity we will never know his name_). This is the moment when Lily Evans entered the room. Everything that followed was nothing but chaos. All we need to say is that the extras were : a very gobsmacked Remus Lupin, a very angry (_and screaming_) Lily Evans, a very rebellious Sirius Black and a very amazed James Potter. The consequences were that Mr-what's-his-name had to leave and that Sirius Black wasn't, under any circumstances, to bring boys back in his room to shag them. Oh, and another consequence, even if it was totally unexpected, was James falling in love with Lily (_not that she asked for it, mind you, quite the opposite in fact_).


	2. And the very easy solution

_And the very easy solution_

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As I've told you sooner, it was now a month since Remus started sharing his room with Sirius. Truth be told, things hadn't got any better since the great rescue of Lily Evans (_that happened at the end of their first week as roommates -but if you've followed attentively, you already know that- _). They actually hadn't spoken more than about ten words to each other in the whole month, which was really surprising since Sirius Black was a very chatty person. Surprising, but with a very simple explanation because Sirius Black was also quite the sulking type, and still wasn't over that first fail attempt at friendship (_you remember?_). So yes, it was a month past, and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were in their room. As things were, Sirius Black was sitting on his bed, listening to music (_with headphones, because he sometimes could be a delicate and caring person_) and conveniently ignoring Remus Lupin. The later was lying on his stomach (_well on his bed also, not on the floor you fools_), up in his elbows, enjoying a quiet reading session.

From Remus point of view, it was a very enjoyable evening. The kind of evening he'd be deprived of since.. well, since he started sharing his room with Sirius Black. But one must admit that, it was only seven in the evening, so there was still plenty of time for Sirius to ruin Remus night by being loud and obnoxious, or for James Potter to come and be.. well, loud and obnoxious as well. From Sirius point of view now, the night wasn't that enjoyable. In fact, he was actually sulking. You may ask why ? Well Sirius Black had been betrayed, _betrayed_ by no other than his best friend, the famous (_or infamous, depends on where you stand_) James Potter. Well yes, betrayed was a big word, but Sirius could found no other for the perfidy of James Potter, who had chosen to come home, instead of staying here with him. After a good hour, The Sex Pistols weren't so distracting anymore and so the only other object in the room, Remus Lupin, was becoming quite hard to ignore.

And that is when he saw it for the first time. Well, no, in fact, it was not the first time. He had seen it in his first day, and since had dreamt about it, and search for it, without results. But there it was, right under his nose, calling for him, and so willingly offered (_well, personally, I have my doubts on that last assertion but..._). Maybe you wonder what was « it » ? Since I can't find any poetic way to call it, it was an ass. More precisely, Remus' ass two lovely cheeks wrapped in corduroy trousers. Well, for those who still ignore it, Sirius was quite the drama queen, so he reacted in consequences. He abruptly stood up and threw himself toward Remus (_who was actually Elizabeth Bennet discovering her unquenchable love for Mr. Darcy_), grabed a book of poetry lying on the floor (_that belonged to Remus in fact_) and started to read :

_« Jadis, si je me souviens bien, ma vie était un festin où s'ouvraient tous les coeurs, où tous les vins coulaient._

_Un soir, j'ai assis la Beauté sur mes genoux. - Et je l'ai trouvée amère. - Et je l'ai injuriée._

_Je me suis armé contre la justice._

_Je me suis enfui. O sorcières, ô misère, ô haine, c'est à vous que mon trésor a été confié ! »_

Until he realised that he didn't understood a word he was saying. Throwing the book away, he decided that grabbing Remus Lupin and kiss him was a far better way to express his feelings. Far later, after many shouts and supplications, could be heard.. well, shouts and supplications, but not of the same nature, believe me. Because Remus Lupin liked romance, and it's a shame that they didn't found sooner that very easy solution, I mean, it was obvious no ? What did Sirius Black liked ? Boys, and making noise. What did Remus Lupin liked ? Well also boys it seems, and romance. And now, both had found a way to be happy, that to say, make noise, be romantic, and.. er, like boys.

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***** The poem is in fact the beginning of _« Une saison en enfer __»_ by Arthur Rimbaud, because I just thought that, Rimbaud being gay and all, it would be funny to make Black fall on that particular book.

***** Le poème présent est en réalité le début de _« Une saison en enfer __» _d'Arthur Rimbaud. Je trouvais amusant de faire en sorte que Black tombe par hasard sur la travail d'un poète gay.


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